Divorce Couple Psychotherapy: Many times human relationships lead to an impasse. This is not unreasonable. It’s probably normal as paradoxical as it may seem to you. Look around people. What relationships do they have? They are pleased; How do they behave? Guess what their story is in this life. Which or their course. Nothing is easy. All of us out there are the best. We present our best selves when it comes to non-intimate relationships. But in really deep relationships, where we ask to find love, where our desires find refuge, where there is a bond, that is where our true selves are seen. And there is no perfection there. The masks are falling. It is the same as the lover who shows his best self to his mistress twice a week. We are all pretending outside. We have defenses. We do not show the real person. But what we show outside, if we analyze it we will soon be led to the truth. And the truth is not easy, it hurts, it brings reflection. Once you find one of the truths, then you are forced to find the others. And if you constantly refuse to look, then the symptoms will come to remind you that you cannot ignore them. The symptoms, the bad relationships, the outbursts, the guilt, the excessive shame, the fear of annihilation, the suppression of anger, the depression, the anxiety that doesn’t seem to have a reason but comes and returns. Where do all these come from and do they not leave the psyche alone? You understand how confusing things get when it comes to couples.
The Good Relationships
People get into relationships because they can’t stand loneliness. And children to perpetuate themselves because they fear death. So one does not make a relationship for the other but for oneself. To satisfy his needs. This is normal but not enough. No one sees the relationship. In order for two people to agree, they must either have:
1. strongly complementary elements
2. either be quite similar
In the first case are included relationships in which there is a disposition to give the other things that he does not have and to take things that you do not have. This mood has a sharing character, a cooperative dimension. In the other category belong the relationships that are established between people who may have common characteristics, common pursuits, somewhat common perception of life and the world. These two types of relationships we see are usually long-lasting and relatively happy. These are relationships that do not have important reasons to clash strongly. They are not interested in contrasts but in companionship, joint plans and deriving pleasure from life. That doesn’t mean they live in a magical cloud. But in general they can face the events and vagaries of life with some acquiescence.
So usually the people who make up these couples are somewhat mature or have grown up without much internal conflict, as children they were lively and channeled their impulses into the appropriate channels for the period of development they were going through and were able to shut down the basic concerns of their childhood quite a bit smoothly. For this to happen, it means that they had the same parents who were like that and who protected their children, did not oppress them despite the idiosyncrasies and demands that arise from culture, managed to establish safe frameworks protected by boundaries that did not they were strict and these parents themselves were people without major internal conflicts. These are a bit general but true. However, in order not to make it appear that this is not a strong majority, I tell you that barely 10% of relationships worldwide belong to this category. So before we go any further, we should accept that 90% of couples do not live, do not live, do not behave and do not raise their children in the way that generally follows from this framework that I have just described. So let’s look at 90%.
In addition to the complementary and homonymous situations that form the smooth core of mature relationships, there are also relationships that take place in an antithetical way. That’s fifty percent. These relationships are called “neurotic”. It is the relationships that start from crazy love and this is the first sign of neurosis. Crazy love is an immature trait and I know many and many of you are unhappy with this statement because it’s like saying don’t fall in love. But that’s not what I’m saying. You will fall madly in love, you are immature. Who is the immature one? The one who does not see the other at all but sees only himself. There you think that the other person is like you. You expect him to take care of you, to care for you, to pamper you. You don’t see his own needs. You are lost, like you were when you were a baby, in the arms of a woman you didn’t know. So we are all immature until we know ourselves. We go and ask the other to treat us like a mother. But the other person also has needs. He doesn’t take care of you the way you would like. “You are not as I have you in my mind” exclaims the madly in love after no eight months. But why should he be the way you want him? It is as it is. You just don’t see him. That’s why love is blind. The more mature man, recognizes that you are not what he would like him to be and tries to see if you are a match for him. He continues to live normally, does not change his behavior drastically, gives time for things to happen, does not rush, learns from the other, tolerates, tries to understand the other side. Because love is love and you lose reality for a while, and the most mature person will be lost. But soon he will regain contact with the world. But most people are not mature. It takes a lot of effort and to be good enough inside one to be able to see the other. Otherwise you will have a neurotic relationship. That is, opposite. You’ll find someone who can’t understand you, you can’t get along, there’s no way for each other to hear each other, and soon the relationship will fall apart, fall apart. How many and how many loves last for a month or two and fall apart. And how many marriages are built on these bases and break down, while of course there are children who suffer for years and eventually their own lives also break down. There are also families who think they are good but are based on oppression, hypocrisy and hidden anger. But sooner or later problems appear and surface.
Couples therapy recognizes that people may not be complementary or identical but opposites. Their characters should be in perfect contrast. This can bring many problems but we see them in therapy. That is, in simple words, we see the relationship. And we see it in two ways:
1. One way is to see what is happening between the couple in order to understand what emotion prevails and
2. The second way is to see how each member of the couple feels towards the figure of the therapist.
Reconnecting Before Divorce – Divorced Couple These assume that the couple has decided to make an effort for the relationship. If there is no interest in the relationship, or if one feels that no amount of effort will work, then there is no reason for treatment. But if feelings of interest for the other have developed, if there is concern, then we can see what is happening more deeply and bring about changes in a gradual way.
*republication of the article is prohibited without the written permission of the author
See also: Panic Crisis
See also: Agoraphobia
The process of psychotherapy requires commitment, dedication and is addressed only to those who seriously see that they need to change their lives. If you are thinking of starting this journey, call me at 211 71 51 801 to make an appointment and see together how I can help you.
“θεραπεία σημαίνει η προσπάθεια να καταλάβει κανείς τον εαυτό του. Να τον κατανοήσει. Να μάθει γιατί μισεί, γιατί έχει χαμηλή αυτοεκτίμηση, γιατί δεν μπορεί να αγαπήσει, με λίγα λόγια να δει από που προέρχονται όλα αυτά…”
Για οτιδήποτε ψυχολογικό σας απασχολεί, μην διστάσετε να επικοινωνήσετε. Υπάρχει λύση σε κάθε πρόβλημα απλώς χρειάζεται να δούμε λίγο εσάς.
“healing means trying to understand oneself. To understand him. To find out why he hates, why he has low self-esteem, why he can’t love, in short to see where all this comes from…”
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