No one ever expected in this world growing up in a family, that relationships in adult life would be so difficult, so complicated and so unaltruistic. We all expect to be loved for ourselves without seeing that no one does this. And he doesn’t because his own narcissism always gets in the way. Let’s see more about this topic:
Family and Guilt – Anxiety Relationships Therapy
But mostly no one believes that the family itself has created the problem without realizing it. All over the world mothers bond with boys and fathers with daughters. And when the marital relationship is not good, then they exchange it with the child of the opposite sex. But this creates a lot of problems for children who want to bond but don’t know what the boundaries are. But if you let a girl believe that she defeats her mother and comes with you (with the father), then the guilt will be such that in order to punish herself in adulthood, she will not be able to have relationships, she will not have an orgasm in sex, she will feel guilty, unable to act to move forward in her life, repressing herself, becoming self-destructive and procrastinating. Same with the boy on the other hand if you let him believe that he defeated his father and went with you (with the mother) he will have a lot of castration anxiety that will not let him not only sexually function but he will have serious problems with himself, he will be punitive, critical, guilty. What man can live well and happily if he feels like this within himself?
When the parents are well, then the children are well
So this starts in the family and stresses the relationships we care about. To be relatively normal and balanced one should have relatively normal and balanced parents. And normality is not what one thinks. If that were so, everything everyone would do should be normal. But is it normal that I heard on the news yesterday that a mother took her baby in her arms and jumped from the fifth floor? Is it normal that the other day they caught a father systematically raping his daughter?
Neither is it normal to sleep with your son or daughter. The children inside are quiet and feel safe when you can respect their privacy. Is it normal when parents keep children at home, in other words, they keep children inside them, instead of taking care to strengthen their autonomy and prepare them to go out in life, to assert themselves, to take initiatives? Is it normal that in the country we live in, nobody knows how to cooperate? Is it normal that anti-sociality is on the rise around the world? None of this is normal but it all involves people who lived in the same family.
Why does stress exist?
Relationships are stressful because you’re sharing yourself, of course there’s a degree of attachment there, and of course some dependence is naturally created. So you fear that if you get attached and the other person leaves you, something will happen to you. So you fear death. These are normal just as it is normal that men go for sex first and bond later while women bond more easily. And then that changes. When men get attached they become like children again and don’t leave while women stay for the children so they look for someone to be safe to raise their children. These are normal, they occur throughout human existence and repeat themselves for millions of years.
From there on, what kind of stress appear in humans? The initials agi are about attachment and merging. In the beginning the attachment must be strong. Merger. Me and you together one. So there is nothing scary. I eat, I excrete, I sleep. I eat, I excrete, I sleep. And again the same. Then I start and I see a smile that I don’t know what it is but it’s mine so no problem. Then mom leaves and that’s a problem because I get lost. But he turns around and hugs me, so those feelings come back and everything is settled again. In other words, it is an anxiety that can be overcome. Which is not so big that it overwhelms me and makes me get lost. But there is some blackness there. A great fear that turns into a peaceful sense of comfort. This is the quality of a mother’s embrace, or as I think the word best conveys: “holding”.
Healing is relationship
So the anxieties appear from the moment one actually exists in the womb, then the attachment and the fear of annihilation come in because we are unable to define ourselves so we need an auxiliary ego and we are very afraid of losing it. Then come the Oedipal anxieties, i.e. love for the opposite sex and competition with the same-sex representative. There one kills the homosexual in order to win the representative of the opposite sex. So the primary anxieties (attachment, fusion) are confused with the secondary (oedipal) plus of course the effects of external reality such as a parent’s depression, moves, illnesses, deaths, etc. Real treatment is that where all these are shown and said. All the feelings we have inside, when the therapist is trained having done many years of therapy himself and having gone through special supervisions but also having acquired clinical experience, then he can accept the subtle nuances of the emotional reactions of the client and not be afraid of them . This is how one begins to work in this direction. He develops a transference relationship with the therapist and sees him as he saw the important persons and situations of his infant, toddler and childhood life. There he begins to feel things he has forgotten and gradually brings them to the surface. So that’s when we can make the necessary repairs to progress the treatment to the solution of the symptoms but mainly to the conclusion of better relationships in life.
*Republication of the article is prohibited without the written permission of the author
See also: Couple psychotherapy
The process of psychotherapy requires commitment, dedication and is only for those who seriously see that they need to change their lives. If you are thinking of starting this journey, call me at 211 71 51 801 to make an appointment and see together how I can help you
University of Indianapolis – University of Middlesex
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“θεραπεία σημαίνει η προσπάθεια να καταλάβει κανείς τον εαυτό του. Να τον κατανοήσει. Να μάθει γιατί μισεί, γιατί έχει χαμηλή αυτοεκτίμηση, γιατί δεν μπορεί να αγαπήσει, με λίγα λόγια να δει από που προέρχονται όλα αυτά…”
Για οτιδήποτε ψυχολογικό σας απασχολεί, μην διστάσετε να επικοινωνήσετε. Υπάρχει λύση σε κάθε πρόβλημα απλώς χρειάζεται να δούμε λίγο εσάς.
“healing means trying to understand oneself. To understand him. To find out why he hates, why he has low self-esteem, why he can’t love, in short to see where all this comes from…”
For anything psychological that concerns you, do not hesitate to contact. There is a solution to every problem we just need to see a little of you.