Affection relations Human Relations

The hardest thing in the world but also the most rewarding. Relationships. There you can share your laughter, your pain, your love, your misery, your complaint, your ambitions, your hopes, your disappointments, your frustrations, your loves, the unsatisfied, the grumpy, your stupidity, your sexuality. Relationships are the carrier of feelings, the development of the spirit, language, expression, culture, respect, knowledge, but also feelings of aggression, hatred, revenge. Sxeseis Human Relations. Relationships are the destiny of man. Even without relationships, you still develop relationships with yourself. But there they are primarily narcissistic, they turn on you. In other words, you cannot have the experience of seeing the world through the lens of others who will enrich you and show you the paths through which you will be able to better observe yourself.

Secondary relationships

That’s why normally when we talk about relationships, we don’t mean the primary narcissistic urges that turn from the self to the self, but about those relationships that, as impulsive processes with energy and purpose, pass to the other side, that external self, outside the limits of the skin, those addressed to other people, filtered with their own dream reverie, dissolved in their own fantasy plexus and returned to the self in order to form a new perception which will have some impression, some universally brand new impression or some impression which will resemble those initial impulse processes which were originally sent to the other person. These are the so-called secondary relationships. Whereas, on the contrary, primary relations are called those relations which an unformed self (the baby immediately after birth and for the first two months) perceives as if it were itself. That is, the whole world is then one with itself. Inseparable. There is no outside.

There is no one else”. Both the outside and the other are one. This then happens in infant life. and it is normal to happen. In the beginning it is all one and gradually with the small frustrations, within a period of a year, little by little, the small islands of the Ego begin to appear. And it depends on the communication with the primary care figure whether the baby will be able to be one without fear in the first season, to be able to then not be one and separate from the mother. But this is a trial. Which means it’s done step by step.

This process is as follows: “we are one, you get lost a little, I’m afraid, you turn around, we are together. I was scared but I survived. It means I have a way of suffering with you in the madness and later without you. But now I will go back to before: we are one again.” Thousands of times this will be done before a safe core of movement from the baby-mother figure binary orbit is established. In order to do this the baby must be able to live the insecurity with the madness and fear involved, not be afraid to step into and out of that state, survive, and then forget it. the period.

Insecurity, madness and death

So we push away those sensations but that means we have experienced insecurity, madness and death. We have these within us. In fact, we have it again. Because they were not only formed from birth, but also pre-existed as genetic lineages registered in our own body, but also as primary senses which were created by the interaction and correlation of the developing fetus with the environment in which it existed for approximately seven to nine months. These are images so to speak, although the word does not have the potential to show what is happening there. They are essentially physical sensations which are held and transformed into emotional images. There is no psychology then. Then there is only: bodily sensation.

So when we talk about feelings, of course we also talk about body, skin and touch. Secondarily we get the right to talk about psychological sensations but still we are not accurate. So the word psychology is not accurate either. The more correct terminology would be: physical sensation which has secondary effects. So we push away these things, these senses, we experience our madness and death to some extent and then we are reborn. Only by going crazy as a baby will you become a relatively normal person. And only if you die a little will you be able to look for life. Going crazy means dying, we’re just saying it in other words to show that there are things in there that we don’t want to see, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. There is the sense of fear, and the terror of annihilation. That’s where the madness is.

That’s why we hug and caress babies whenever they want. Moms know when. Not whenever they want. Then they satisfy their own needs and this increases the fear of death. But now didn’t we just say that the fear of death is a prerequisite for life? Yes. But with one difference: to be able to come back. When the mother moves away the baby is afraid. It is different to be gone for three minutes, different for an hour and different for a day and different to never return. The first case is aborted, the second is aborted, the third is aborted, the fourth is aborted. At first, he can stand it because he sees you again in three minutes.

In one hour he is afraid that something is wrong and shows concern, in one day when you come back he doesn’t react like before and needs time to recover from a shock that he doesn’t know if it’s true or lies, reality or fantasy, he freezes and you think he can’t to let you hug it like before and if you never come back, it stays a baby, it becomes fixated, it shakes, it wants to look for you but it can’t, whole years go by looking for you, the sense of security is lost, the world collapses, the attachment becomes a nightmare, you don’t know who you are, the self is lost, dispersed, metabolised without familiar senses, confused, fragmented. There are cancellations and cancellations. And it is important at what age stage these happened and how the relationships within him were shaped at that moment.

The five components of relationship development

These data compel us not to stand in front of relationships without a critical look, without an attitude of waiting for what lies below and without hasty conclusions. In psychotherapy which is the only relationship in this life where we can revive all the feelings of our unconscious life from pre-infant, infant, toddler and childhood, there we can gradually see ourselves at every level of frustration and need.

This is how we know that human relationships are not a simple process of getting to know each other with fixed facts and straight rules based on which one can proceed to a life free of stress and problems. The inner life of man, the mental life, that is, as you may now understand better after the brief explanations I have given above, his “psycho-somatic life”, is made of attachment and frustration. Then we have other mechanisms such as prohibitions and the influence of the outside world as well as the development of sexuality. Here I spoke only a little about the first two. For attachment and abort.

1. Attachment
2. Cancellation
3. Prohibitions
4. Outside World
5. Sexuality

Concerns and treatment

I know there are many questions and concerns surrounding the whole context of self and relationship development. It is not possible to answer these through the articles, however detailed they may be. Even I, who have been studying them for many years and have done special trainings, it is not always easy to give the whole picture correctly. The problem of self-development and relationship-building is inexhaustible, and each time I stand as if for the first time in front of a problem brought to me by my old and new patients.

I know that the path is right because with therapy people make better relationships in their lives and start to get pleasure, I also know that many of the relationship problems have specific roots so I can be guided by a good history that I will take to let me know you better. All the rest are observations made within the therapist-to-be-treated relationship. This is what we discuss in therapy. And through them we see what has happened. And then we can fix them. Let’s solve it. Let’s fix them.

*Republication of the article is prohibited without the written permission of the author

The process of psychotherapy requires commitment, dedication and is only for those who seriously see that they need to change their lives. If you are thinking of starting this journey, call me at 211 71 51 801 to make an appointment and see together how I can help you

Mixalis Paterakis
Psychologist Psychotherapist
University of Indianapolis – University of Middlesex
I accept by appointment
Karneadou 37 Kolonaki (Next to Evangelismos)
Tel: 211 71 51 801
www.mixalispaterakis.gr
www.psychotherapy.net.gr