Infidelity Separation And Forgiveness In Marriage

Infidelity Separation And Forgiveness In Marriage – Forgiveness

Women are more forgiving of infidelity than men, although today there is a tendency for men to forgive (to a lesser extent) female infidelity. In general, if you have a satisfactory relationship with the other person, i.e. if you can receive and give pleasure, if there is humor and if you can also accept the other person’s vices, you hardly cheat because the fear of losing the good relationship prevents you .

Everyone is looking. Men and women. But that is one thing (to look) and another to decide to risk cheating. As long as a relationship does not have elements of joy that comes from gratitude basically, the easier it is to go elsewhere. This is a problem because the statistics confirm what we know from clinical analysis and theoretical understanding: that gratitude exists when you are loved by the figure who cares for you in the first year. Unfortunately, this is the great truth that thorough psychological analysis has brought to light.

Which means that we need to train men to stand up psychologically to their wives always but with great care during pregnancy and the first year of the baby’s life. That’s where training is needed. When the mother figure feels secure, even if she herself has not received love, she will raise her baby relatively well. But the concept of support, in a world full of concerns and problems, has taken second place.

Thus we are doomed to succumb to indifference and loneliness. I would put a lesson in the schools if I could. It would be called: “the lesson of support”. To learn there to listen, not what we would like because we have missed it, but what the other expresses as his need. This is so hard though. That’s half the cure. That’s half the hope. Half our life or maybe even our whole life is this. I can see this working. I see how quickly the darkness turns to light, and how the symptom turns into a normal desire to live.

Sexual Desire

Going with someone is part of a sexual desire for the man. Not emotional. This does not justify the act but simply explains the behavior. Women have emotional as well as sexual reasons and may become attached. But no one leaves the relationship if it’s good. And he has to protect her too. If you do the stupid thing, you don’t say it. There’s no point in ruining the marriage. But it is not easy to be in this process of cheating and protecting. You show that something is wrong with your relationship. Relatively mature people create long-term relationships and develop warmth, protection, spiritual communication.

They have a common purpose, make a strong point of contact and grow it. As you do with a child. This is also the work of psychotherapy. Guys, I’m growing up. Years of studies, postgraduate degrees, degrees, trainings, treatments. For what purpose? So that I can create a common purpose. But that doesn’t happen if you can’t listen to the other person. And sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t.

It’s an effort. Continuous. This is how it happens in relationships. That is why even when something is not going well, couples before making decisions and taking actions, it is good to seek a therapeutic process. Therein lies the hidden problem. When the problems are neurotic, i.e. when you have them inside but you don’t know them (which happens in 90% of the cases), then therapy helps. Because no one knows himself.

We Don’t Know Many Things About Ourselves

The self is the iceberg and only a small tip is visible on the horizon. That is why in psychotherapy there is the phenomenon of people saying: “I came to do one thing today and I say another thing”. This is because you don’t know what you really have inside of you. But the healing process, when done right, is effective. That is, it brings out what you really want to say. That of which you are not at all conscious. Most men, for example, who do not get into relationships but go out with too many women, are unhappy. They are looking to find an ideal mom. But there is no such thing as an ideal mother. That’s how you ruin your relationship, you look for something else, and then something else, and then something different, but it’s the same. It’s normal to do it as a man but it’s not normal not to get attached at some point.

What We Think About Ourselves

Unfortunately, while I have a lot of incoming messages asking me to write about relationship topics, I don’t have the time to expand, so I at least write something that can give food for thought or can be an occasion to develop a dialogue around these topics. . Maybe someday I’ll give a lecture. Let’s be careful what we think we know about ourselves. The search never stops because the self is multifaceted. It has aggression and sexuality, structures built from infancy, internalized images of parents, trauma, temperamental traits and genetic origins. It is complex in its operation and unconscious.

So we humans are blind by nature as a species. And what we understood, with the help of psychoanalysis, is that we don’t know anything about ourselves. Neither why we are who we are, nor how we became what we became. Well, that’s what one looks for in therapy. And as long as you find your jealousy, your envy, your murderous feelings, your romantic feelings and where they are addressed, the more you understand. Then it’s not that your need to cheat decreases, you just know, you’ve understood that it’s worth it to stay in the relationship, to protect it. There is also an existential part to this case. A piece that is also the biggest in essence: “let’s go together hand in hand since we can both hold together”.

*republication of the article is prohibited without the written permission of the author

See also: Jealousy. Its roots are in childhood

The process of psychotherapy requires commitment, dedication and is addressed only to those who seriously see that they need to change their lives. If you are thinking of starting this journey, call me at 211 71 51 801 to make an appointment and see together how I can help you.

Mixalis Paterakis
Psychologist Psychotherapist
I accept by appointment
Karneadou 37 Kolonaki
Tel: 211 71 51 801
www.mixalispaterakis.gr
www.psychotherapy.net.gr