There are three main concerns men have about women’s nature:
1. Terror for the womb
2. Animboria opposite the seduction
3. Compulsion to satisfy the woman – mother
These are unconscious fears (that is, they exist within us but we are not aware of them) and which emerge when the person enters psychoanalytic therapy. So these are elements that we have found from the psychotherapeutic practice as well as from the clinical treatment of treatment histories.
The creativity of the womb
The function of the womb is to incubate life, to bring new individuals into the world, i.e. to create existence. This terrible reality is completely foreign to the male side and is approached only through creativity. That’s why men also strive relentlessly, become scientists, artists, creators. This is their motivation: that they cannot give birth. And when, for some reason, they are unable to create, then they have no energy for life.
Women are quieter on their part, quiet that they can enjoy the life that they create within themselves and that they can see outside of them. This is a great mystery to man, this function of the womb, which is the mighty symbol of life. And when we talk about the phallus, we actually do a reversal. We don’t talk about the womb when we want to talk about it. After all, the sperm is needed for the development of life and without one of the two there would be no creation. But the process of internal creation within the uterine environment leaves the man in a magical trance. That’s why he doesn’t approach, he doesn’t know how. He stands embarrassed in front of that sacred process which he envies and envies.
This envy creates the reaction of becoming powerful. With what will he be able to compare the power of the womb? With the muscles. Does the man strengthen his muscles, or behaves brutally, trying to make up for this lost potential: “he cannot have children that come out of him”. Countries fight, wars constantly, who will be the strongest. Why do these things happen? Because power, authority, imposition is the only way to compete with the womb you envy. One does not consciously bring it to mind. It takes psychoanalysis to see that. But this fear is hidden and it works. In the extreme form, we see what Eastern countries do to women, how they treat them. They stone them, castrate them, etc. The fear for women is great.
The fear of beauty
The second is the fear of beauty. We men are not the strongest in this field either and this is a minus since they hardly want us for our beauty. While we know that we will chase the girl who is beautiful. And this happens all the time, meanwhile they are all beautiful today, well-groomed, etc. They want them because they are seductive. Seduction is a great weapon, they use it and get what they want.
We have to give chocolates, flowers, coffees, etc. plus we have to be polite (that is, to suppress the instincts) but also dynamic where necessary. In other words, let yourself go. It’s hard. And of course we are also captive to their charm. This also causes fear that you can easily be rejected, but you also unconsciously envy the other who so easily manipulates you with the seduction she causes you.
The orgasmic function
The third is the orgasm. Men struggle with this story. You have to have an erection, at the right time, do it correctly, etc. If you don’t have or the erection is not good, you have a problem. Then you have to justify it and you have to be lucky to have someone by your side who won’t insult you or who will describe it mildly to her friends. But you are still offended. It is deep inside the desire to satisfy the woman-mother who is everywhere and always. It’s like satisfying your mom that you depend on her while you’re still young, so you make sure that she loves you, that she wants you. You know her, you love her so you want to satisfy her so she loves you. And of course all this for a moment when you end up having sex. While the woman when she has an orgasm can last a long time or have multiple orgasms. Whereas the man has to try again to get that second he is chasing.
This whole problem, we men handle it as a process which basically has stress in it. No one can let go as much as they describe to their friends or as much as they fantasize that they would like to. But that is manly nature. You learn about your fears, you learn to endure them, and you live with them. When things are difficult for some reason, i.e. when something happens, some problem whether sexual, or anxiety, or some intense fear, then one is forced to go for treatment.
Men struggle with stress and women with relationships
Men generally come to therapy because they have anxiety that they don’t know where it’s coming from. Women come mainly for their relationships. Then you seek in therapy to understand, you also bend certain resistances, you create an alliance with the therapist, you can talk freely but above all see how you feel in your relationship with him (there are hidden all the feelings of childhood that we analyze in therapy). From there on, the problem starts a road of reparation. Fixing all those things that afflict man.
One of them is men’s fear of women, which no one admits because they suppress this feeling. Thus what remains for the man is the acquisition of power which is expressed in various forms. Spiritual, business, muscular, military, social, verbal, etc. This has become more intense in our days when the woman works and becomes independent so the male gender has lost its orientation. The encouraging thing is that through all this problematic, men are more open year by year to look for themselves, which means that they will make better families, they will be better fathers and better husbands. The fermentation that takes place is therefore for the benefit of the family. This is how one learns one’s role better: what it means to be a man, father and husband that is.
*republication of the article is prohibited without the written permission of the author
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