The Importance of a Stable Mother Figure: Repetition creates a sense of security in the baby. The same mom who always feeds you, the same mom who always caresses you, the same mom who always rocks you, the same mom who always looks at you, the same mom who always plays with you, the same mom who always has you. Mom can be father too. Mom is the one who takes care of the child.
The Importance of a Stable Mother Figure
The Importance of a Stable Mother Figure
The number of moms
One mom is safe. The two mothers begin to lose their sense of security. In the first year it must be one. To wash you, to hold you. to lull you, to sing to you. Two good moms will be devastating. Better one, even if it’s not that good. This is how things are in the first months of life. Less damage will have been done if one is even inadequate than two good ones. It seems paradoxical but we see it in the pathology that people present during their adult life. One of the problems is low self-esteem and another is a great fear of death. Excessive fear. Then others may arise depending on the time when you were raised by many figures, if it was like this from the beginning, if you lost the figure who took care of you and when, etc.
The Importance of a Stable Mother Figure
The Importance of a Stable Mother Figure
Όταν λείπει η φιγούρα φροντίδας
We notice that children who are about 4-10 months old and their care figure is missing for a while because they may have had to be hospitalized, that these children get a freeze in their emotional responses for a while when they come back. Depending on how long it will be gone and depending on how much the sense of loss has been internalized, some children go into a mourning stage, some children have a prolonged flat reaction as if they cannot be happy or cry. It is very difficult because inside he feels that he has lost himself. Freezing can indicate a stage of holding the image and feelings that existed in life during the period of “we are together”. As if he wants to preserve within himself the imperishable of time. You see a man and he is constantly collecting things and does not want to let any of them go. There he has the feeling that they may be lost, so he preserves them by collecting them. This can also come from elsewhere, from a period at 2 years where one controls things and wants to keep the feces inside and not let them go but we don’t know that unless we study it. One has to do with mourning and the preservation of a shaken psyche and the other has to do with tenacity and giving that seems to have suffered deprivation. So things are not as simple as you see. We need to look at what happens to each one individually. Let’s see ourselves. And of course there are other issues that may have suffered wounds such as omnipotence which is necessary in infancy only to weaken later. However, if he is hit, he is not weakened. One becomes manic there. He thinks of himself as much better than he is. In other words, he has low self-esteem.
The Importance of a Stable Mother Figure
The Importance of a Stable Mother Figure
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When is the self lost?
In the first year, it is necessary to have one caring figure. This is important. If there are two or more, the child is confused. It puts in him a feeling that mom is not stable, she leaves and disappears. So the baby’s self is also lost because then these two selves (caring figure and baby) are connected. There the false self emerges to support the edifice of the psyche.
The Importance of a Stable Mother Figure
The Importance of a Stable Mother Figure
The unified self
So mom is missing and he wants to give something of himself to mom but if now another is in her place, he can’t communicate himself. This is very frightening and creates a sense of annihilation (panic attack in symptomatology). If the mother changes again and is once one and once the other, then there is also a feeling that the self is not unified. He cannot be coherent. When the mother is one and stable, even when she is not so good, the sense of security is not lost and continues as a unit after the love that exists in the family under normal conditions. It’s you who doesn’t understand me but at least it’s always you. This is important to happen. Two good mothers who alternate, no matter how good their mood, precisely because of the alternation in the child’s psyche, cannot provide a sense of security. So you see an adult with low self-esteem, and while the mothers who raised him are very good and balanced personalities, he struggles with himself.
The Importance of a Stable Mother Figure
The Importance of a Stable Mother Figure
Psychotherapy and motherhood
On the surface it’s a paradoxical phenomenon to have problems when moms are admittedly good, but in reality it’s very difficult and extremely important for the development of a mentally healthy child and later adult.
In psychotherapy we see this when a patient changes therapists trying to find the ideal mother he never had. It’s a never-ending struggle. A constant struggle to find someone to deposit himself with, someone who will stand up for himself and hold him. At the beginning of everything is the grip.
The Severity of the Stable Mother Figure
The Severity of the Stable Mother Figure
In proper psychotherapy, the maternal environment is replicated, and there, narcissism repairs can be made over time. But what is the maternal environment? It has to do with frame stability. I include you. I mean, I’m holding you. And when you shout, and when you get angry, and when you vomit, and when you pee, and when you relax, everywhere and always I am there. That is, what happens in infant life. This is why infant life is important. That’s why I give so much importance there. I know that the adult carries his infant life. I know that it is unconscious and that the relationships we make in our lives, we make based on that period. And I know this because I have had treatment myself and I know what has happened to me. I know this because I learned it from seeing other people in hospitals and in my private work. I know this because I have trained in psychotherapy and studied the human psyche clinically. I know this because I have been able to help people with the problems I describe. People who had symptoms and problems in their relationships. The maternal environment is the essence of life. If you had it small, things will be neither heavy nor unbearable. If you didn’t have it in the beginning, you will struggle a lot to stand up. It is not a question of education or ability. These are of little importance. The important thing is to have internalized the feeling of safety, wholeness and comprehensive care at the beginning. That’s how you have self-esteem and move forward.
The Severity of the Stable Mother Figure
The Severity of the Stable Mother Figure
The Severity of the Stable Mother Figure
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See also: It all starts with the grip
The process of psychotherapy requires commitment, dedication and is addressed only to those who seriously see that they need to change their lives. If you are thinking of starting this journey, call me at 211 71 51 801 to make an appointment and see together how I can help you.
Psychologist Psychotherapist
University of Indianapolis University of Middlesex
Karneadou 37, Kolonaki
I accept by appointment
Tel: 211 7151 801
The Severity of the Stable Mother Figure
Ψυχολογος Ψυχοθεραπευτης
“θεραπεία σημαίνει η προσπάθεια να καταλάβει κανείς τον εαυτό του. Να τον κατανοήσει. Να μάθει γιατί μισεί, γιατί έχει χαμηλή αυτοεκτίμηση, γιατί δεν μπορεί να αγαπήσει, με λίγα λόγια να δει από που προέρχονται όλα αυτά…”
Για οτιδήποτε ψυχολογικό σας απασχολεί, μην διστάσετε να επικοινωνήσετε. Υπάρχει λύση σε κάθε πρόβλημα απλώς χρειάζεται να δούμε λίγο εσάς.
Psychologist Psychotherapist
“healing means trying to understand oneself. To understand him. To find out why he hates, why he has low self-esteem, why he can’t love, in short to see where all this comes from…”
For anything psychological that concerns you, do not hesitate to contact. There is a solution to every problem we just need to see a little of you.